Right here’s the TLDR: Cease excited about what you or your accomplice can do individually in your relationship and begin excited about what each of you are able to do collectively.
Once you had been courting your partner or accomplice, did you suppose by way of “matching?” Did you evaluate your vinyl report assortment? Did you discuss your love of Oscar Wilde or William Butler Yeats? Once you’re courting, you may be obsessive about “the appropriate match.” It’s so widespread to have the mentality that “I simply want to seek out somebody with sufficient commonality that it really works.” However it’s harmful to maintain utilizing this idea because the factor that binds you.
In the event you neglect the “us,” you may solely suppose in me or them. You miss the staff. You may suppose,”I want she would discuss to me when she’s offended,” or “,If solely I might do one thing completely different as a substitute of freeze when she complains.”
Each of those approaches acknowledge the position of the people, however don’t acknowledge the affect of the connection in altering the best way you two relate. It fails to acknowledge that even in case you’re attempting to do one thing completely different for the connection, you may enlist the assistance of your accomplice to do it.
To know the facility of “Us,” let’s perceive whenever you’re considering me/them vs. me/them/us
What do you say to your self whenever you’re in a you, me mentality?